Why Are Real Men Feminists?

Feminism has been getting a bad rep from all sides on the gender spectrum for a long time, but I believe we shouldn’t give up on the concept for anything in the world.

Contemporarily, feminism has been distorted and utterly highjacked to a point where its basic philosophy has eroded, and the combination of letters that spell out F-E-M-I-N-I-S-M are but a hollowed-out shell to be filled with whatever meaning the user pleases.

From ridiculous to radical, from insightful to contradictory, feminism has come to represent everything and nothing at all.

Because of this bastardisation of meanings, some have even suggested that the term should be dropped altogether and replaced with a new, untainted label.

I believe this to be quite a defeatist attitude and one that does not solve the problem at hand, which does not lie in semantics but rather in the crippling slowness at which the social status quo tends to progress.

In other words, those who are uncomfortable with progress, in this case towards gender equality, will always find ways to destabilise whatever philosophy advertises it; and the quickest way to do so is by overloading and tarnishing its terminology.

It is not my place to rescue the term itself, for there are more qualified people out there, who are up-to-date on the particularities of daily debates, and can do a better job at it than me.

What I can do is give an account of why men have a stake in feminism’s widespread success.

Roots

As kid brought up in the 90's in a Southern European country, I was somewhat stuck between a reality that saw Catholic values as still being ‘a thing’, and the whole of socio-technological advancements that increased exposure to the world at large: from music, to literature, fashion, religion, people, etc.

During this period a bubble was burst, and a whole wave of information engulfed reality, and in many ways contradicted previous unspoken rules.

Such developments magnified my already restless nature, which saw that I had an interest in very disparate areas of life. Anywhere from the arts, sports, or fashion, I never quite achieved to fit into a single box and stay there for long.

But I digress in autobiographic wandering…

The point I am trying to illustrate is that from a young age I learnt how to juggle an increasingly contrasting amount of information and influences, which in and of itself clashed with the whole concept of traditional, simplistic, and immutable codes of conduct and existence.

This point leads me to the inherent relationship that feminism has with issues of masculinity.

Feminism and Masculinity

In a very practical way I was brought up by women, since my dad travelled a lot, and my only sibling is a sister. As a result, the pillars of my upbringing were cemented in (what could have been called back in the day) feminine traits. From house chores, poetry and literature, to the open discussion and expression of feelings… my quotidian was a tapestry of so-called feminine attributes.

Don’t get me wrong though, my dad was around, but just not as much as my mom, nanny, and sister. And let’s face it, unless he had been a stay-at-home-dad, he was clearly outnumbered.

To top it all off, my Mom worked as a primary teacher and my sister studied and started to work right after Uni, so I was never exposed to the clichéd ‘domesticated’ woman who’d stay at home to support the sheer existence of a man (and his offspring).

My Mom and my Dad were equals in my eyes, for they both worked and they both raised me. The slight difference was that my Father travelled a bit more, and further than my Mom did, as a result of his work.

Forced Into a Box

Fast-forward to my pre-teen years: I was a ‘normal’ heterosexual, cis-gender, male who knew how to sew, played football, talked about feelings with the same ease that he talked about anything else, watched Dragonball, collected Pokémon cards, and loved to write poetry.

I was also oblivious to how problematic some of these traits would be.

There were so many social expectations I was unaware of.

Consequently, I learnt the hard way that in order to be a Man I would have to either renounce or hide so many of the things that made me, Me.

Lesson Lived is a Lesson Learnt

Here are some of the lessons I learnt by being mocked and shunned by my peers (both male and female). Most of these I made a point of unlearning with time, and others I still keep with me depending on context:

· Do not tell anyone you write poetry (or write it altogether in case they find out). It is an artform that, unless accompanied by a beat and videoclip, belongs to the realm of feelings. It is, therefore, not acceptable for the bearer of a penis to write poetry.

· Do not cry. Just don’t, it is symptomatic of weakness, and Men are allergic to such. Real Men are simply not born with lacrimal glands. Also, do not use the word glands unless followed by the word mammary, and in a context that implies sexual intercourse with a woman.

· Do not have feelings, period. You should bottle everything up, no matter what. If you’re feeling suicidal, or neurotic, it just means you’re not pressing-down hard enough. You are allowed to feel hungry, but that’s about it.

· You need to be aggressive. From your manners to your words, if you say anything remotely gentle, you’re sure to be met with sexist or homophobic slurs.

The list goes on, but you get the gist… There is a social script that must be followed, whether you’re 8, 18, or 28.

It is now common knowledge that women have been the oppressed gender for centuries, mostly at the hands of social norms enforced by insecure, under-intelligent, male troglodytes. But I think it is becoming more apparent that men like me, have been also trapped by those same perpetrators.

Men also need to strive towards liberation from oppressive norms and stereotypes that place them under an enormous strain to play a role not meant for civilised, intelligent, and wholesome human beings.

The cliché of ‘Being a Man’ that people like me have to live with, is more suitable for primates in the wild rather than homo sapiens in society: obsessed with sex, violent, possessive of their partners/mates, and aggressive to all those that deviate from the norm.

Real Men are Feminists

Being a feminist is not synonymous with being a woman. It is rather to actively support equality between men and women. This applies to how much each gender is payed for performing the same work, which places they are allowed to attend, which opportunities they get in life, and also what social expectations are projected unto them.

It should be clear by now that this last point matters probably as much to men as is does to women.

By not expecting women to be fragile, men are allowed to not always be strong. By acknowledging that women can openly be sexual beings, men are allowed to be hopeless romantics. By not being shocked that a woman wants to shout obscenities at a football referee, men no longer have to feel pressured to hide their poetry.

By no longer constricting women, men are releasing themselves.

And since boxes are for objects, and labels are for clothes, all Men should support feminism if we are going to allow ourselves the freedom to just be Human.